For the Grandmas, Sue and Sue,... and all the other family too!: A month

So, it's been a month since I've updated the blog, eh? Believe me, I've thought about it, but there has been no possible mental way to do this until just recently. My brain and body simply could not do it.

So what's been going on for the last month? Long story short:

1. I'm pregnant. Sick as a dog, and in bed most of the day.
2. After weeks of being in bed all day I developed a blood clot in my leg and was rushed to the hospital in high drama.
3. Ben, Patricia and Ellie came to visit us from D.C..
4. Sue and Ulrich came to visit us from Vermont.
5. I missed basically all the fun with our family visitors because recovery from a blood clot on top of pregnancy turns out to be a doozy of a recovery.
6. Add another 2-3 weeks of recovery and you get me to today, finally able to sit up and think.

I'll post a few random pictures below, mostly from J's phone, and a few from mine.

One of the last few days I was up and functional, while I was doing read-aloud with the older two at night they were building their individual Lego projects. Jonas is thrilled that Layla has joined the Lego train. :)

I was reading a Rober McClosky treasury. Love.

On the night of the blood clot drama, Jonas took Finn to a play at the Children's Theater. Normally I would have taken both kids, but Layla threw up that day, and I was in a fair amount of pain and nausea (from what I did not know, although I had been to my Dr that very morning and been given the all-clear to finally start my blood thinning shots after a bleed in my uterus cleared up). So, Jonas took Finn to the play--the LOVED it--and I stayed home with the sickos and Cora. As I was putting Cora to bed that night I helped her in the bathroom, and I was kneeling down next to her on the balls of my feet. When I stood up something went very wrong in my left leg and hip, and that was that...I was in pretty serious pain. I thought at that point it was a pinched nerve. and I was just trying to make it through the night until my Chiropractor appointment the next morning.

The play was "The Abominables," about hockey. SO MN.

They stopped at a park on their way to the play.

After the show they got a little tour of the sound booth...Finn was pretty awed by that.

So, this brings us to the same night, around midnight I finally put my phone down and decided I should *try* to sleep through the pain, after taking the max dose of Tylenol I could while pregnant. I don't think I really slept at all, but around 2:30 that morning I woke up and knew something was seriously wrong. I tried to sit up and almost couldn't do it. When I got vertical I almost passed out, and my one thought was "If I pass out before getting Jonas, they might not find me until morning, and I'm not sure I'll be okay then." Dramatic, maybe...but it was bad. I could barely move my left leg at all, and I thought I was going to throw up constantly, but I finally stumbled to the door and braced myself on the door frame, then flung open Cora's door (Jonas was in with her at that point) and YELLED for Jonas. Then I stumbled to the bathroom where he joined me. I was sure I was going to throw up or pass out, so I just sat down on the toilet to try to think. At this point my breathing was going nuts, and my fingers on my hands started to constrict in weird ways, and I could unbend or relax them. That's when I told Jonas to call 911.

The ambulance got there relatively fast, and while I think there were about 5 paramedics up there in our small hallway outside of the bathroom, I'm not really sure because the pain and how my body was feeling made me want to keep my eyes closed all the time. This is how I am in labor too, haha. So I'm talking to the guy with my eyes closed, and he tells me he's not sure about the rest of my symptoms, but he knows for sure my hands are doing that weird stuff because I'm having a panic attack. THAT was new to me...I've never had one before, and it was odd because I didn't feel panicked in my mind, but whatever...he was the medical guy, I did what he said and focused all my energy on just slowing my breath down. Sure enough, after a while my hands started un-clenching and they wanted me to get out to the ambulance. I seriously could not walk on my leg...I ended up sliding on my butt down the stairs until I could get outside and there was enough room for them to maneuver and help me onto the board. Unfortunately, at this point Layla woke up and saw me being loaded into the ambulance, which was very hard for her to deal with, poor kiddo. Jonas stayed home with the kids until someone else could come be with them, and he called my Mom to meet me at the hospital. She was there when I was wheeled into the emergency room, I think, but my memory there may be a bit sketchy.

Jonas got this right before I left.

When I got to the ER I was in loads of pain, but they had so many tests they wanted to run before anyone could tell me anything certain. At this point my entire left leg was hard, cold, turning a different color (kind of purple-ish?) and unresponsive. I could barely feel when they touched me in many places.

They did an ultrasound of my entire left leg, which took FOREVER, it seemed, when my pain level was so high. I finally was returned to my ER room and given something for the pain, which helped quite a bit, but it also made me throw up. Whatever, though...I take puking and pain relief any day. God bless modern medicine, right? Can I get an Amen?? The ultrasound showed I had a massive blood clot in my left leg that ran from my upper thigh, near my hip, down to halfway down my calf. They started me on heparin right away, but they were also having some very serious talks with me about what my options were, especially considering my pregnancy, and what each option could mean for me and the baby. I was told I had about an hour or so before I might lose my leg, and put my life in jeopardy as well. My mom was there with me, and I could barely think to talk in more than 3 words at a time, so she got the fun job of helping me translate my thoughts to Jonas on the phone, about what I wanted to do. Very hard stuff, folks. This is where my personality becomes a bit of an asset, though, because I wasn't panicked...I knew right away what my own thoughts were, and I wanted to trust the Drs to do what they thought was best for me.

They prepped me to head up to the OR for a surgery, and this whole time I was so inward focused on my body that I don't even think I seriously prayed, but I remember thinking as I was wheeled away "Well, God, this is happening...so if you wanted to do something you have a few minutes before I'm in surgery." I'm not even sure that counts as a prayer, really, but I was also drugged, so maybe? When we got to the OR my Mom waited outside the room (Jonas was on his way to the hospital now after Renee got to our house to watch the kids) and I was wheeled in. The OR Dr was talking to me and explaining in detail everything he was going to do, but as we talked he looked at my foot and saw some marked signs of improvement from what they had been in the ER. I could finally wiggle my toes a bit and move my leg a bit on my own, and the color wasn't quite as bad anymore. He decided to hold off on the surgery and see if my leg continued to improve from just the drugs alone. So, just 5-8 minutes later, I was wheeled back out of the OR and up to a room in the recovery area of the hospital, where Jonas was waiting. I was slightly amazed that had happened, but I also knew that the surgery was still an option in the future if my leg didn't continue to show signs of improvement, so I didn't feel like I had totally escaped yet either...I was waiting for the other shoe to drop for the rest of that day.

I was in the hospital for the rest of that day, the 22nd, and then released around dinner on the 23rd. Once the heparin really started kicking in my pain dropped off drastically and I really didn't feel anything in my leg. They gave me a tylenol every now and then, but for the most part it was just numb and unresponsive, but not painful, thank goodness. Swollen and numb, but no longer totally cold and changing colors. So, improvement for sure. At the end of my first day there, the 22nd, they switched me from IV drugs to my regular shots I normally take when pregnant...Lovenox shots. Fun fun. So, I'm back at that fun game now...black and blue sides, the whole works.

I spent most of my time there in a bit of a tired haze...I didn't even have the energy to watch TV or listen to podcasts or read. This made me very sad. But the alone time, and silence...those I did enjoy, even if the location could have been drastically improved. Plus, the hospital had 4 different kinds of anti-nausea drugs that they rotated me through, so that was helpful for pregnancy nausea issues.

You can't really see it from this picture, but my entire left leg was way bigger than my right one. And in fact, after I left the hospital it continued to swell for 2 more days, and I finally went back to the Dr the Monday after I was released because it was so big...way more so than this picture, especially right around my knee area.

Then they told me I needed to wear compression socks for the REST OF MY LIFE.
So.
That was fun to hear.
I'm still looking into getting OTHER opinions on that.
As soon as I have insurance again I need to get better ones than these monsters.

Because it's selfie culture, right? This is what we do? :)
(I still can't figure out where to have my eyes look when taking a selfie like this...)

The whole time I was in the hospital I felt pretty calm and collected and under control, emotionally. But I told the Drs on rounds (the hospital I was at was a teaching hospital, so I had LOADS of doctors. Like, 8 at a time in my room, hovering around me and touching my leg...haha. I didn't mind at all. Learn away, folks. As long as I'm not in pain, I don't mind you learning on me in the least.) that I wasn't going to go home until I had seen an ultrasound of the baby. I had seen an ultrasound just 2 days prior, when I was at my regular Dr and they had given me the okay to start my shots finally, but since then some MAJOR TRAUMA had occurred in my body, and I wanted to know if the baby was alive or not still, period. So, the afternoon I left an OB team came by with a portable ultrasound and checked us out. When I saw the heartbeat I lost it. I was crying so hard they told me to calm down because I was setting off all sorts of alarms that were attached to my body for heart rate, blood pressure, etc. So, while I consider myself a fairly typical Myers Briggs ISTJ through this whole ordeal, that ultrasound for sure pushed me over the boundary into some deep emotion for a time.

When I was released from the hospital on the 23rd my leg was still pretty swollen and useless to me, but the Drs were very unconcerned about that it seemed. My recovery was estimated at 2-3 months for the clot to fully dissolve, and until then it is unlikely that my leg will feel fully "normal." When I got home on Saturday there was delicious Thai food waiting, and Ben and Patricia and Ellie (fresh out of a bath even!), so that was delightful. At that point I could just hobble around a bit, but I was at least able to be on the main level and participate with real life. :)

Sunday we had a birthday dinner for Jonas and Cora, and my family graciously agreed to come to our house, because while I wasn't in a ton of pain at that point, it was increasing, and my swelling was increasing as well. I wasn't very motivated to move around.

Cousin love.

Layla is in love with Ellie, but she shared with Anja.

The birthday crowd eating Tikka Masala

Sunday night I was pretty concerned about the swelling in my leg, and the pain seemed to be increasing as well, so it was a little scary for me to go to bed again like that, when the last time turned out so poorly. I went to a Dr on Monday afternoon, but he didn't seem concerned at all and basically said that's just how things go, it'll be a long recovery, and there are some Vicodin pills to help with the pain. So, I guess it was good my leg was normal, but man...the pain only go worse from there. (and the Vicodin didn't help at all, although it did make my cheeks feel very funny...)

The next week is just a blur of pain in my mind. Pain AND pregnancy nausea. Double whammy, man. I was constantly watching the clock to see when I could take another pill, but it never helped my pain. Hope springs eternal, I guess. Sadly, this was the time Ben and Patricia spent with us, but I was up in bed the entire time, too maxed out on pain or drugs to be able to interact with anyone. Finally, on Friday of that week I got a different pain med, Percocet, and that helped at a lot. I could take 1 pill every 4 hours, and you better BELIEVE I took one pill every 4 hours, around the clock, for at least 4 days straight. The Percocet generally gave me 2 really good hours of pain free relief (amazing, at that point, because I was starting to go crazy from constant, relentless pain), but during those 2 hours I was KNOCKED OUT. Zonked. Drugged to the max. I didn't care, though. To have relief at all was so worth it. Pain and drugs have just made the last 3 weeks of my life a very hazy timeline...haha.

While Ben and Patricia were here they all went to the MOA:

Ben and Patricia left on Saturday morning, sadly with me being too out of it to even say goodbye, and then Sue and Ulrich showed up on Saturday evening. Logistically, having family in town those two consecutive weeks was extremely helpful, but I feel bad that I was mostly absent for the great majority of it. We so rarely get to to see the Schaefers, so for me to miss out on both those visits was really sad for me, and also not the kind of visits I'd want guests to have in our home. :( My pain was improving the week Sue and Ulrich were there, so I was taking fewer pills, but that also meant I was experiencing more pain than in my totally drugged state. I was able to come down and visit with them a few times, but mostly I just stayed up in my bed watching re-runs of The West Wing. I couldn't even handle watching a new show, because it was too much work...I needed a show that was 1) excellent writing, because...obviously, right? and 2) I already knew the people and the plots, in case I fell asleep in the middle or blacked out from drugs, that kind of stuff. West Wing always wins.

While Sue and Ulrich were here they went to the MN Zoo and IKEA:

IKEA:

Side note: The wasted time of this past month just kills me. I had all this time in bed, alone, why couldn't I have used it to read loads of books, or listen to audio books, or listen to podcasts, right? Nope. Nah-ah. Not how it worked for me. My brain was fried. I couldn't handle anything. I still can barely hold a conversation...it feels like really hard work at this point. So, that annoys me to no end. This time, which could have been redeemed through learning and reading, feels so incredibly wasted and pointless. Gah! Why??

So, this whole past week my leg has improved, but walking long distances still is very hard. I had an OB appt this past Monday, and I couldn't even walk from the car to the Dr office...half way there Jonas got a wheelchair for me or I may never had made it in time. But that is all improving, slowly but surely. Even Cora last night noticed and said to me "Mama you walk better!!" :) Standing upright for long periods of time is hard too, and as it feels like that's all I do as a Mom, we'll see how this changes my life...haha. I still haven't driven myself anywhere in almost a month, and at this point I would feel safe doing so (especially as my right leg has always been totally fine), but I still honestly feel so tired and dizzy very often that it scares me a bit. Thankfully, Jonas being unemployed right now means that he has handled everything at home brilliantly while I've been in bed, and I'm very thankful for that. But I'm ready for him to get a job now too, because insurance is going to become a fairly large issue in our lives pretty soon, and I feel like we've already done that enough for one couple, right?? :) I mean, this will be 3 of our 4 children that is coming into the world in a storm of unemployment and insurance issues...good grief! Enough already. We've done this trial. I want a different one now, please. ;)

Here are a few more pictures below, from the fun times I missed while in bed...haha!