Today is Layla's last day at school, at least for the rest of this year and next.
No, absolutely nothing traumatic happened. No, nothing was awful or wrong. However, as much as I loved the school (and her teacher), it was not a great fit for Layla.
For the first half of the year Layla went all day, every day. And that was HARD on her. She was sad in the morning, and she cried at night when going to bed and thinking about it. Every.single.day, pretty much. But I gave it time. I wanted to give it a really good transition time for her before I started asking for changes like the typical first-time Kindergarten mom. So, at Christmas, we went it and discussed it with her teacher and the principal, and they allowed her to do half day (when it's not even a technical option in our district anymore). They were incredibly kind and generous with us.
From Christmas on, there were no more tears at night and no more sadness most mornings. I had high hopes that this was our fix, and Layla just needed less time at school, more time at home, and more time to develop emotionally. However, at her spring conference on St. Patrick's day, Layla's teacher told me that she really hadn't changed how she behaved in school. It was still kind of hard for her, she still got sad, and when talking about school it was clear she wasn't loving it. There was nothing wrong--no fights with friends (they are all wonderful), no struggles with learning, nothing. She just wanted to be home more, to be with her family more, to have more independent play time, etc. The Montessori philosophy of "work" was also hard for her to grasp after loving the "PLAY" of preschool.
So, that was it for me. As dramatic as it seemed, I wasn't interested in having her go to school anymore. Jonas and I had been talking about it all year, but that weekend we seriously discussed if we should home school or not, and agreed that we would pursue that for next year. Once that was agreed, I had no desire to make Layla "stick it out" for the next 2.5 months just because it's "what people do."
I'm not sure if you remember me discussing my philosophical struggle with choosing a school around this time last year. I was very happy when Layla got into Nokomis because I loved everything I heard about it from people who actually attended there, and everything I read about it. However, my main struggle was this: I deeply believe that little children should NOT be in all day, every day schooling! I believe this for all of the younger elementary grades, not just Kindergarten. I believe children need MUCH more play time than they are given in our current frenzied culture (kids go to school, then to sports, then to music, then home for homework, then sit in front of the TV, then to bed, and repeat). Despite this struggle, I wanted Layla to love Nokomis. If she had loved it, if she had been thriving there, I would not have pulled her out. I would have let her needs over-ride my beliefs in this instance. As she is not thriving there, it wasn't a hard decision for me (when I say me I pretty much mean "we"...Jonas and I talked about this together for sure, it's just that I obsessed about it a lot more than he did, as education is my training and career) to pull her out...starting today.
(Side note: One thing I am sad to be losing at her school is the easy access to such a diverse group of friends for Layla. Despite the fact that we live in a very culturally diverse area, our lives are WHITE. I loved that Layla was the minority race at her school, and that it was completely natural to her to make friends with every race and sex. Finn is in a drastically white preschool, and when Layla invited over an African American boy to play, Finn's first comment to him was "Hey! I have ORANGE skin!" The little boy kind of looked at his mom, and she did a lovely job of talking him through that, but to me it said "So, clearly, Finn sees so few African American people in our lives and home and school that he wants to comment on the color of their skin as the first thing he says. It's not *bad*, per say, but I do wish for more for my kids.)
So what is the rest of the year going to look like for Layla, educationally? Well, it's going to be SHORT. :) I'll teach her more of the basics of reading (Sing, Spell, Read and Write curriculum, which I already have), and we'll do a bit of math work (mostly games)...and we'll do LOTS and lots and lots of reading quality literature out loud. That's about it. We'll go for lots of walks outside, and maybe plant a garden together this spring. We'll go to the Zoo and the Children's Museum together. She will have tons of time to play with her siblings, and on her own...creative, imaginative play that she is so missing regularly. We'll do ballet, swimming lessons, and violin. And that's IT. That's TONS, right? Plenty. The main thing is that her amount of time spent in structured, formal instruction will be about an hour a day, or less. The rest of the day will be exploration learning...and that's exactly how Kindergarten should be, in my opinion.
We'll then do the exact same thing next year, with maybe a co-op thrown in there one day a week, for 3 hours, for things like writing, science, art and gym. We shall see. I'm not fully committed to that yet because I want this at home experience to be so different from the structure of the normal school days. I'm fully committed to great learning opportunities for her. I'm not committed at all to trying to re-create the school environment in my own home. It's going to look a LOT different, and I *think* I love that. We shall see. I'm going to have to un-learn some classroom teaching tendencies for this, but I'm game to learn new things as well. :)
So, today I'm pretty emotional. I'm sad to leave this lovely school for now, yet I'm fully convinced this is the right move for Layla. She is SO excited about it...a little sad to be leaving these friends, but really excited to be at home for learning and play.
So, that's our day today. Big changes ahead, which will hopefully mean even more slowing down, pushing back against the rat race and rushing tendencies of our culture, and engaging in the really lasting, eternal aspects of life and learning.
(Total side note: about 2 weeks ago I was ALONE in the car for a few hours, and I was listening to a MPR...could have been NPR on MPR, I don't know...segment about a researcher on *business.* Wow did pretty much every word resonate with me, and it was exactly what I did not want for my own life or my family. I would encourage you to take a look/listen: http://www.mprnews.org/story/2014/12/24/holiday-letters and http://www.mprnews.org/story/2014/04/01/daily-circuit-busy-lives-schulte and
http://www.mprnews.org/story/2016/03/21/the-drive-to-be-busy I think this last one was the one I heard in the car, because I distinctly remember the "busy as a badge of honor in society" idea. )
 |
| Last picture with her K teacher today. |
 |
| Thank you, Ms. Elizabeth! |
Editing this post to add a few important things:
I believe things strongly, and I often research them extensively, but my thoughts on home school do not in any way mean that I think ALL children should home school. Far from it. If I had thought this, I would naturally have started Layla out homeschooling at the start of this year. But I don't. We are making this change in response to needs from one specific child, for one specific time. I have no idea if I will homes school more than on year, but I do know that this child needs it for now. That's good enough for me. Home school is not for everyone! If you are happy where your child is, and that child is also happy, then awesome. I am also happy for you both. :) (I do think that most children in the United States spend too much time in structured education, but that's a different story line...) I do even have some hope that Layla will eventually return to Nokomis for more of elementary school later on, but we shall see. We are not there yet, so I am being very careful to not project anything into the future.
One thing I have seen many parents do is to NOT do what is right for their child in the present moment because they fear what they would lose in the future. In Layla's case, this would be me not taking her out and homeschooling her because I fear her not getting back into that school later, or having a hard time transitioning back, etc. I don't think that's our role as parents, frankly. We should be the best advocates possible for our children, at all times. The present should not be sacrificed for the sake of the future. We trust God with our future, and Layla's future, and we're doing what is right for right now. We can't even pretend to KNOW the future! But we do know now, and how to respond to things here and now. :)
This is not at all to say that parents should be paving roads for their kids and helping them avoid all problems in life. It's possible to advocate for your child while helping them learn good lessons as well. But sometimes parents can go to far in the downer thinking of "Well, life just sucks, and they've got to learn that things are super hard for long periods of time sometime, so it might as well be now." Come on, guys. We can do better than that, right? Right. I remember when I was in 7th grade, and starting out at a new school. The first 4 days were SO awful, and I was a wreck every night. Finally my Mom came with me to school that Friday, the 5th day, to see if what I was saying was accurate. It was, unfortunately. So what did my parents do? All the schools near us were full. That was the school I was in for the year. Did they tell me to suck it up, and life is hard, and I just need to learn to muscle through it? Nope. They pulled me out. My Dad went down to our local school and convinced them that I NEEDED to be in that school. My dad can be very...persuasive. Haha. So they let me in...because my parents advocated for me! My attitude towards learning for an entire year was worth that to them. And guess what? It was SO much better! There were obviously still bumps in adjusting, but I did, and it was a great place for me. I am so thankful for parents who advocated for what was best for me and didn't just try to teach me a "life lesson" and avoid some of the hard work of parenting.
