'round here, lately:

Last Saturday we had ribs and asparagus and potatoes for dinner.  GO BIG OR GO HOME.  It was such perfect weather...maybe mid-60s and sunny, but inside it felt like a goodbye to summer.  *sob* I don't know, friends.  I am so sad to lose summer this year, even though fall is so wonderful and the first half of winter is fun.  *sniff*   PTSD from last winter, I think.  It's TOO SOON!

I love the stage when they hold their own hands.  It's the cutest.

Last Sunday I went out for brunch (we don't have a church home right now, so we can do brunch on Sundays like the heathens!  Haha.  It's awesome.) with several friends to celebrate Rachel Gustafson's birthday.  I'd highly recommend Hai Hai in Minneapolis if you love good Vietnamese food!

Kellan and Layla's baby doll did a photo shoot together.  

We have started down the teething road.  Actual TEETH are still a ways away, but they are making their painful presence known.  Teething might be the worst and saddest part of being a baby, I'm sure...

I'm happy to report life around here is going well, so I'm able to hold my sweet babe in sleep almost as much as the summer.  Especially later on in the day.  It's my build-in rest time.  Love it.

Ugh.  So cute, sleeping baby pictures.  

This one makes me laugh.  Clearly still in the flailing arms baby stage!

ADORED

 In school the other day we learned about Henry Matisse and his collages later on in life.  We decided to make our own, and Finn was WAAAAAY into it. 

There is a very elaborate story that goes with this...

Cora 4 years ago, and Cora last week.  Amazing how my phone knows this!!!

Layla 3 years ago?  And Layla last week.  

 Cora HIGHLY enjoyed the ribs last week!!!

Anniversaries

I had this post sitting here (in picture form) for a while now, but I'm just finding the time to write a few thoughts down.  On September 23rd my phone showed me the pictures below, of Jonas and Finn at a play at the Children's Theatre on September 23rd, 2017.  My spine went cold and my blood pressure shot up when I saw the photos, because that was the night I got my blood clot, and my body remembered long before my brain caught up.  

I was helping Cora in the bathroom.  I knelt down, stood up, and a sharp pain went from my left hip down my leg.  By midnight I was in loads of pain, but I tried to sleep.  When I woke up at 2:30 a.m. I knew something was seriously wrong with my body, and if I didn't get Jonas fast I might not be okay by the time they found me in the morning.  30 minutes later I was in an ambulance, which Layla witnessed (she stayed home from the play because she was sick, and I'm not joking when I say it's taken her well over a year now to get over this mentally and emotionally...poor thing).

I was 8 weeks and 3 days pregnant with Kellan, and I had no idea what was wrong.  At the hospital they did an ultrasound of my obviously cold, swollen, and discolored leg.  There was a huge clot that started up in my groin area, went all the way down my thigh, wrapped around my knee, and went half way down my calf as well. They started me on drugs and prepped me for surgery.  I was told that if I had waited an hour more, or if I put off treatment for an hour more, we would have to discuss me losing my leg, or possibly more.  JUST as I was wheeled into the OR, the Dr noticed that my foot was not as bad as it had been in the ER, and he decided to wait and see if it continue to improve.  It did, and I went home the next day.  

The first 2 days at home were okay, pain wise, but the next 3 weeks after that were HELL.  The pain was so constant that I thought I might go crazy, and it wasn't until a good week and a half later that I got on Oxy and got a few hours of pain relief each dose.  The Drs told me that these drugs were no danger to the baby, but I still worried...not enough to stop taking the drugs, but you know how it is, Mom guilt will always find a way to show up.

It wasn't until the start of November that I would say I was "doing normal life" again.  From September 24th-early November, things just stopped.  I was in my bed almost 24/7.  I could barely think and speak and handle anything mentally or physically.  I missed out on all of fall and pretty weather.  :(

So, THIS September, I'm very thankful.  I'm so glad to be here.  I'm happy to have all my limbs.  I'm so grateful to have a healthy baby who seems to have had no issues being surrounded by lots of opioids for weeks on end.  I'm even grateful that Jonas was unemployed for those 2 months, because I have NO idea how we would have handled it all if he hadn't been able to stay home and help with home life and kids and my recovery.  

Thank you to those of you who wrote and called and stopped by and brought food...even when I could barely return any calls or thank you for the food in person.  Your help meant the world to me, and to us.

Layla's birthday:

We didn't do school this past Thursday in honor of Layla's birthday! 

Wednesday night:  it was late, like 8:30, but the kids were all playing together SO NICELY that I couldn't break it up.  

Thursday morning we headed off to Good Times Park in Eagan for a day of inside fun.  It rained ALL DAY, some crazy hard rain in fact.  We set the record for rain in St. Paul (in one 24 hour period) since 1968!  So this inside park was a perfect solution...and I'll just go ahead and call that "gym class" for the day...haha.

The on-the-go and on-Mama nap...

We got stuck at the park while THIS monster came through...see the picture below...

It was like 2:00 in the afternoon and looked like midnight outside!  

After we got home Layla wanted to help me bake her cake ALONE.  When using a box mix, the term "bake" is used loosely, but you get the idea...

She is the BEST.

Her gift from Mama and Papa:  a Lego Ariel ship

And because she is who she is...Layla folding Laundry, to earn money for something she has her heart set on. 

My FB tribute to my 1st born: 

Nine years and two days ago I went into the hospital to deliver my first baby. 36 hours and 2 days later, she was born. After two miscarriages my whole body had been holding its breath for 9 months. To see her and touch her and hold her was such a gift, and I cried many tears holding her those first few weeks

Layla is maybe the sweetest child I know. Maybe mothers should not be able to rank the sweetness of their children, but come on! It's so clear to anyone who knows her: that heart is tender, and kind, and loyal in a rather remarkable way. She feels all the feelings in a deep way and is always on the watch for the underdog and outlier. She is a wonderful friend, in the way every parent hopes their child will be some day.

This week she made me cry with how deeply she loves her baby brother. She has a cough, so I was making her keep her distance from Kellan, and it basically broke her heart. After 2 days of not being allowed to hold him or kiss his cheeks she came to me sobbing. I relented...because denying Layla anything is HARD, even if you are #deadinside. 💕💔

Today we went to Good Times Park to celebrate her and she spent the entire time with kids younger than herself, helping them share and be kind to each other and negotiate their individual wants. She loved every moment of it.

I mostly don't take credit for who she is. Layla is a GIFT to our lives. Sure, some of our parenting decisions may have had a good impact on her, but mostly I am convinced of this: Children are born whole people, who unfold and grow into their true selves in our presence, and I am so blessed to get to watch her daily and have her in my life. I like her so much.

Happy 9th birthday, my sweet girl. I loved spending this day with you.